Symptoms of an echoing America
🇺🇸 On status symbols, love in media, and more from afar
“How are you?” I ask earnestly to an old friend visiting from the U.S.
I pull towards the front of my seat in empathic anticipation.
“Well, I got a new car! We’ve been driving around and around,” he says with a grin.
I nod, squinting my eyes, and grin too.
“Oh, yeah! Next year, Molly and I might get married.” He points to Molly sitting next to him.
“Oh,” I say, covering my mouth, as if holding in the undulating feeling of shock.
As, I do not judge, I feel to tell. This encounter left me feeling (quite frankly) empty. And, this was hardly the first time I had almost this identical conversation with American friends living in the U.S.
Touts of status, including relationship status, paired with often empty words devoid of vulnerability has become a norm I am curious about.
An economic purchase and status symbols sat in front of me. And since we had a clear mismatch in values — a distance starting to feel as far as one continent to the next — I felt no room to ask how they really felt, inside.
Do not get me wrong. I love a luxury car. I love a great adventure. And, I love love and lasting commitment! But, where do we draw the line between symbols and true feeling? As a woman, where do we unknowingly enter the opaque waters of misogyny in the name of community? As a community, what are we unconsciously rewarding which leads to these bizarre clone-like conversations?
I was born in and grew up in the U.S. I felt mostly-American-Jamaican-Nigerian until eight years ago when Trump first became president. Soon after, I took an international opportunity with work.
Back then, I felt and saw the signs of numbness and group think. I left my life in New York City and San Francisco. I departed the land of the free and the brave to discover somewhere and something new. Eight years have gone by, and I still do not reside in the U.S.
Alas, eight years has led us back to something familiar — And can someone tell me, where it is leading us? What excites over half of the nation who chose this familiar path? Are we afraid of true freedom, individuality, and love? If so, it makes sense, because these things are often the antithesis to capitalism, and fascism.
“Don’t forget, you are American,” he says with pursed lips and a furrowed brow as they depart. I smile with a twitching left eye, perhaps in defense to my confusion.
What is American these days, I thought to myself.
Love in Media
I have to admit, I am a binge watcher of “Love is Blind.” I have seen every season because I believe in the concept. I believe true love is built on emotional connection, trust, understanding, and choice.
If you are unfamiliar with the show, "Love Is Blind" is a reality dating show where singles date and get engaged without ever seeing each other, forming connections in ‘pods.’ Once engaged, they meet face-to-face, navigate their relationships in the real world, and decide at the altar if love truly is blind.
Season after season, I try to extrapolate which couples will make it to the “I do” at the altar, but I also struggle with the pressure, rejection, and heartbreak of the couples who do not. The thing is, without the “I do” at the end, the couples break up forever. It makes sense to me because if one is uncertain now, it is a strong signal for uncertainty later.
But, season after season, I find the careers and social medias of the men soaring, no matter the outcome, while the rejected women become memes and archetypes, despised and/or sexualised.
Tones & I, an Australian singer-songwriter, belts from the depths of her soul in the background of the closing reels of Season 7 Episode 12: “I give you all of me / I just need you to love me / I will have nothing until you hold my hand / I’ve been pushed to the limits with the greatest hand / And if I had the chance / I would meet you again and again / Because I give you all. . . I give you all of me.”
I believe every single word Tones & I sings. And, the thought of surrender, destiny, and reincarnation from the verses resonate with me: “And if I had the chance / I would meet you again and again / Because I give you all of me.” But, do I need anyone to love me, but myself? Do I need to be pushed to the greatest limits to understand my husband is my destiny?
As we sing along to anthems, and consume media, we push our minds into the programming we have upheld or pushed against since childhood. In terms of western media influence on love, there is a lot to uncover, and I will keep digging.
On Group Think
The reality is, group think leads us straight into ever-growing echo chambers. Since America often leads the world from afar, this compounding phenomenon affects the rest of the world.
I ask myself, do I exist inside a Western-influenced echo chamber, too? Does posing the question at all mean, in fact, I escaped it? What are the unspoken disadvantages for those outside the ‘norm?’
Historically, extreme-group-think behaviours are indicative of long-term, insidious, subtle, and successful propaganda. Words infused with intentions are potent and powerful! And long-term exposure to propaganda is like drinking water from a contaminated well. . .
Eight years outside the USA and Poetry
I was sitting outside one of my favourite places in Germany, when a friend of mine quoted the original (and then the updated version) of one of my POETRY IN EDEN poems.
My mouth hung open and I felt inspired, humbled, and surprised. Yes, words infused with intentions are potent and powerful so this mission of mine can never be fruitless.
La Grande Bellezza was originally titled Yin Yang in its first iteration here on Substack. The poem you can play today is from the audiobook recording of La Grande Bellezza!
Nov 30th Launch and ‘Success’
POETRY IN EDEN is #3 globally in the General Poetry category for the past 14-days. Publisher’s Weekly even left me a RAVING review comparing me to the likes of U.S. poet laureate Joy Harjo and #1 New York Times bestseller Kwame Alexander. Check out the review below.
Give the gift of alchemic healing this season: Amazon, Barnes & Nobles, Waterstones! The audiobook is available for purchase too across 38 platforms!
There is something to this writing. There is something here for everyone to uncover and discover.
Finally, if you are reading this, please like this post or add a comment! Substack is also a channel for growth, and your engagement means a lot to me. Thank you.