Listen to a version of this column on the Poetry in Eden podcast, episode #38, available on Spotify or Apple podcasts.
Poetry in Eden is a full-length audiobook on Spotify, Audible; an e-book and paperback on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; a podcast with guest interviews on Spotify, Apple; and this bi-weekly newsletter. The content varies, but the mission I write under is the consistent thread.
I never learned to starve myself or to nibble on air.
We sat down around a table of beautiful, wealthy people as the wives all pushed their food around.
I love to give my body nourishment and that means I will never be as skinny as the fashion models and thus as worthy of the admiration the hungry-superficial-society forks out to starving souls.
“We all wear masks,” one woman who was a self-proclaimed Ayahuasca expert said to the table, dragging out all her syllables. I squinted my eyes as if there was a glitch in time and nodded, not sure if her statement was entirely true.
I mean, I show up just as I am — that includes awkward, sometimes tired, not always smiling — I am not a machine, so creating personalities and manufacturing feelings like an AI robot in human skin just does not compute.
But yes, it is a gradient, and the extent to which we wear a mask differs from person to person.
I ate another bite of food, chewing and tasting the excellence of the Chef’s skill, and re-joined the conversation. “Where are you from?” I asked the woman to my right who was visiting with her husband.
“We are Angelines, through and through!” She giggled in a hollow way that reminded me of air going through a metal pipe.
The left side of my mouth went up in a half wince-half smile that is well-practiced to look like a smile to an unsuspecting and unfamiliar audience.
“Oh. I am sorry. What? Where?”
“Los Angeles!” she giggled.
“How is it there these days?” I leaned forward forming a bridge to the humanity I knew was marching and fighting for their rights and the rights of others with increasing military presence and unnecessary military violence.
“Nothing could make us leave L.A.! But yes, the homeless people are getting closer and closer to our neighbourhood. It is really alarming.”
Another one of my practiced reactions — raised eyebrows and a 1/3 opened mouth — looks like interest but hides shock. “Uh huh,” I said, choosing to ignore her response. “And what about everything that is going on?” I pushed with an innocent grin.
She pushed her shoulders back and flipped her thick, dark hair. Probably a decade my senior, her botox and makeup was immaculate. Her asian eyes, with creases, glowed as if a spotlight was shining on her.
I heard the anthem to Miss America, a song my mom used to sing to me in her thick Jamaican accent anytime I walked out of my room on my way to an event.
“I just want everyone to be friends and get along,” she said.
The music came to a screeching halt and I knew we had arrived at a dead end. Her response, as innocent and naive as a toddler’s, felt just as endearing yet concerning.
“Just be friends?” I said. This time, my face said it all. “Actually, we knew what we were voting for twice so I would be surprised to hear about friends and if there is anyone to blame but ourselves. After centuries of this lack of friendship, this is nothing new.”
It was like a light switch went on. She nodded in agreement. “We did choose this guy.” She kept nodding. “We did.”
I have written and spoken about American narcissism before, but I did not create this term.
"American narcissism" refers to the idea that there's a distinct form of narcissism prevalent in the United States, often linked to the country's emphasis on individualism and self-reliance.
It suggests that a significant number of Americans may exhibit narcissistic traits, ranging from healthy self-esteem to clinical Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
This concept is explored through various lenses, including cultural values, political discourse, and social trends. The term was first coined by Christopher Lasch in 1979.
Lasch proposed that since World War II, America produced a personality-type consistent with clinical definitions of "pathological narcissism."
Even Psychology Today asked in 2018 Is Narcissism the Cost of Being an American?, a piece which explores how Americans are more narcissistic than people in other countries. Gordon C. Nagayama Hall, Ph.D. writes,
Americans will not stop being narcissistic. And Trump may not be our last narcissistic leader. Are we unhappy with American narcissism? If so, we could take a collective look at why Americans generally care more about themselves than others. Or are we too narcissistic to do this?
Actually, America is such a privileged country, for all that is lacking. We’ve maintained power for centuries, meddling in other countries’ business, leaving homes decimated, and families destroyed.
We are often the perpetrators of violence, but if anything goes wrong or violence ensues on our home front, suddenly we are the victims?
In true narcissist form, the pain and distress of any inconvenience or disaster is happening to us and only us like the tunnel vision of a dog with a handicap cone.
Stop it. . .just stop. It’s gone on for too long! And according to Lasch, these are brewing symptoms of the past eighty years.
We sip our cold brew while we complain about the traffic to the Hamptons while we stand by Israel who mercilessly kills people who are trying to live their lives just like you and just like me.
We hear country names like !ran, !raq, Palestin3, and just imagine desserts and empty fields, forgetting blood is on our hands because our silence is complacency.
We believe America is the best because we have the biggest propaganda machines in the world — Hollywood and our news media.
I mean. . . I am American. I get it. For better or for worse, we never had communism, putting everyone on the same field. We never had hinduism or buddhism as leading theologies, putting multiple Gods ahead of us or the ego behind us.
We have capitalism and capitalistic-catholicism. We lack values in most areas, and spiritual depth altogether.
Yes, American Narcissism — it is a specific type of narcissism — a lack of accountability, understanding, willingness to engage or to help. An inclination towards profit over humanity. An obsession with wealth and perfection. A need to “win” at all costs.
A celebration of marching for rights while not being able to locate the Gazv Str!p on a map. A celebration of hundreds of thousands showing up to rallies when you had the past nine years to show up when this man was voted in the first time around.
I left America when he first got elected because ALL the warning signs were there. We targeted Mexicans and built more borders and walls like it was nobody’s business. He created travel ban lists consisting mostly of countries with black and brown populations. Was this not a warning sign enough?
I personally could not stand to see anyone ‘othered’ because well, empathy, and well, history tells us what is being repeated when we build walls and start mass-targeting.
We beg for the days of the Obamas as if black excellence exists in one man alone, the same black excellence that exists in Kamala Harris.
We ask him to do more as if black labour is yours to dictate; as if we respected him and his family while they stood for democracy and integrity for eight long years.
FFS, we buried our humanity as if this is a treasure hunt. I do not have the map, so please go retrieve it, immediately.
I am not here to bash my fellow country men, but I am here to say, thank you for waking up! Maybe it is a little too late. . .but hopefully you use all the resources readily available to you to put this back together again.
If not, one day when IC3 moves into the background like a lifting fog (probably around the time of the next election), or the stock market surges like a hockey stick (probably around the time of the next election), or the U.S. dollar is back “on top” (probably around the time of the next election), (do you see a pattern yet? and let’s hope there are more elections), we may all huddle inside our homes with white-picket fences once again with nothing left to say except, “pass the peas, honey” or “too bad we cannot all just be friends.”
The antidote to American narcissism is not the American amnesia I witness time and time again.
The antidote requires patience, perseverance, and everything that stands in opposition to narcissism, if we are to avoid our nearly inevitable collapse. We might even have to give up something of our own to help save someone else. Gasp. We may need to look inward, or risk repeating the same cycle of hero-victim endlessly.
Ultimately, I suppose we grew tired of rational leaders because victimhood fits us best, like that little black dress that always flatters, no matter the occasion.
Alas, I guess this man is a direct reflection of us and our choices.
Good luck and God speed. I will fight from over here. You and I, we are different. The intern at the gallery I work at goes to Princeton, and we vibe like sisters, a sweet memory of everything I learned during my Ivy League days.
Yet, even in the sweet moments like these, almost a decade later, I have no dreams of returning ‘home.’
First They Came by Pastor Martin Niemöller
First they came for the Communists
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Communist
Then they came for the Socialists
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Socialist
Then they came for the trade unionists
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for the Jews
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Jew
Then they came for me
And there was no one left
To speak out for me
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