Dear readers,
A best friend, and one of the first friends I have ever known, is getting married next weekend and I am bridesmaid. It is a moment we will all cherish, forever.
With this in mind, you are getting a two for one special (don’t you love a bargain lol), where I will post two weeks in a row, and thus I will avoid posting next week.
Luckily, I am so full of inspiration I could burst like a balloon. I will write about a rather “taboo” topic worth touching on for the betterment of humankind. I will share some vulnerable things I have experienced.
I apologise in advance if you are offended. Here, Eden is our safe space.
A dear friend brought an excerpt from Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin to my attention just yesterday, which is in the image below.
To me, the excerpt is pure truth. Can you look into the face of the devil with no fear because you know you are strong? Of course, you are strong with your feet covered in embers. A phoenix rises from the ashes.
So, here it goes . . .
In London, instead of asking, "How are you," they say, “You alright?”
The answer that pops into my head is often random or existential (lol). “Am I alright,” I might think. “Well, yes. I am healthy. I am in need of nothing. Do I seem alright? Well, what matters is if I feel alright. So, yes, I am alright,” I think to myself before replying with a smile . . .
“I am doing alright. Thank you. How are you?”
My active internal world makes me a great writer, and a thoughtful person, and my meditation practice brings it all together into a crystal-clear focus. With strong right-brain, left-brain abilities, my heart centre creates the foundation for living out my values.
One thing is for certain: after all these plush years travelling the world, and working for the world’s most renowned companies, I have not lost my heart. I still cry at inequality and corruption. My heart still aches and wants to make the world a better place. I have no interest in power or power struggles, even though being numb, ruthless, selfish, and/or mean to the core would make my life a whole lot easier.
The truth is: there are a lot of people struggling to be good, to be just — there are a lot of people who suffer from a pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy.
I was at a dinner party in Berlin when Taylor Swift came up in conversation. We put on a video by Dr. Ramani, an expert in narcissism and narcissistic abuse, to uncover if T. Swift is a narcissist or a victim. Much to some’s surprise, she is a victim of narcissistic abuse.
A girl with sad eyes from Tel Aviv interjected, something bubbling from her soul, and said . . .
“We are all victims of narcissistic abuse!”
You know what? She is right. We are all victims of narcissistic abuse, unless you are the narcissist.
A part of the dark triad (Machiavellians, Psychopaths, and Narcissists), narcissistic personality disorder - NPD - is an incurable disorder that plagues our society, and I guess is still too “taboo” to openly talk about.
It took thirty years of my life and countless cycles of abuse to understand this disorder (thanks to many hours watching Dr. Ramani’s videos and my therapist flagging two people in my life at that time as likely having NPD).
The narcissistic people in my life's journey left scars, including a lover who lied and cheated, until he came back with teary-eyed apologies to do it all over again (I never took him back). I only had two previous partners, so if you know me, you know who I am talking about.
Emotional abuse is enough, so I cannot imagine those 1 in 5 people in our world suffering from physical and domestic abuse at the hands of their “loved ones.”
The thing is, the abused becomes the abuser, and that is the sad story of most narcissists who were neglected or abused at a young age. If they are not the product of neglect or abuse, then they are the product of intergenerational ‘recessive’ genes since narcissism can be genetically inherited.
What will our society do if we do not talk about this? How can we move forward if we cannot look into the face of narcissists and say, “I am sorry you feel that way.”
I was living in Singapore during the “Singapore Summit” in the image above. It chilled my bones. I felt . . . out of place.
Today, I release all the shame around having narcissists in our shared stories and lives.
Today, I release all the shame of the women and men who hurt us so much we thought we would never be the same.
We are not victims.
We are love-warriors of epic proportions.
I am a lover, and not a fighter, so much so I cry tears for all those suffering as I sit here.
I am a pragmatic optimist.
I believe in you.
I believe in us.
I promise you today, I will always believe.
I will try to always be there as a light of love.
I pray for you. Will you pray for me too?
I will feel for us too.
I spent one evening after work in London this week watching Oppenheimer, a film about J. Robert Oppenheimer’s attempts and success at harnessing the same energies of stars to create a nuclear fission reactor in weaponized form, which not only directly contributed to the deaths of hundreds of thousands but also changed the course of human history forever.
Well, I cry during almost every movie (lol), and I definitely cried during this one. I watched history repeat itself before my eyes, and wept at humankind’s desire for destruction, excuses for war, and lack of accountability. I cried at the lack of diversity we still allow even today when important decisions are made. I cried at his wife’s post-partum depression, and what appeared to be tell-tale female narcissistic traits, most notably addiction.
The female narcissist is often the cleverest, the most insidious, and the most formidable — the matriarchs, the mothers, the mothers-in-law, and more.
Due to the structure and history of our societies, if her appearance and mannerisms represent the “norm” of your society, then we are often left hopeless to her effortless victim and triangulation game, the best played game of the narcissist.
So, here we are lost in the world of narcissists, and other formidable people but like I said, I am a pragmatic optimist.
I am not here to villainise anyone. This is not fantasy. It is our lives. I am here, today, to raise awareness.
It was hard for me to write this. It was hard for me to openly say I know and have experienced this, but the truth is, I am stronger for it. We are stronger for it.
I do not recommend psycho-analysing anyone as we are not professionals (like Dr. Ramani), but always remember that knowledge is power. Enjoy this week’s poem below!
Nudossi mit Brot, in Eden
Have you ever gotten to a point and a place where nothing is on your mind?
I mean absolutely nothing except the mountains around you,
The river before you,
The wind on your face,
The stones beneath your feet,
The sun’s warm embrace,
The patient tree with breath to share,
The moss and leaves and fern and air.
What does it give to be at peace?
Your house, your home, your walls, your fears,
All constructed out of tears.
The human race has turned into battle.
Better, stronger, richer, taller, faster, farther, bloated, blinder.
I ask you, have you ever gotten to a point and a place where no one is on your mind?
Come with me,
I will show you,
How to be with space, and time.
wow!